Prompt #1: Muddled misunderstandings make me miserable

2.     Consider a time when you unintentionally communicated a message to someone through your message or behavior. How did this person interpret your message or behavior? What were the consequences? What steps did you take to correct the misinterpretation?

   I personally hate misunderstandings and the overly dramatic consequences they can often cause. So I try to avoid causing or being involved in them as much as possible by being clear in my verbal and nonverbal communication with others. I just feel that misunderstandings are always unjust situations for both parties - the person being misunderstood because they did not mean to give this impression (and most likely unintentionally conveyed such an impression to another person because that person already had some preconceived notion about them), and the person that misunderstands because they often end up judging the misunderstood individual based on actions that that person did not mean to convey at all. Personally I think it's fate's way of playing with us because, while most of our actions in life can be based solely on ourselves (my own life motto: "You make your own life, so don't wait for destiny- create it!"), in these sort of misunderstood "he said, she said" "he looks like he is, she looks like she is" situation, life can still pull a fast one on you because you can never completely predict how others will react or interpret your messages and behaviors.
   An example of a situation in which I was misunderstood by others occurred in 5th grade. At that time, I was one of the most quiet students in my teacher's class who always tried to make as little trouble as possible for my homeroom teacher, Ms. Adams.  In the middle of the semester though, we were introduced to a student teacher who took over our class for 2 months and essentially was able to lead most of the lessons, allowing Ms. Adams to take some time off and rest for a few weeks.  However on the day that Ms. Adams came back, we had a class discussion about the project we were about to turn in at the end of the week.  Because I had been at my grandparents' house that weekend, I had not been able to get much of the project done, so I was worried and thinking to myself about how I would finish it in time by the end of the week.  Unfortunately while I was thinking, I also happened to glance upwards at a fly on the wall and my teacher Ms. Adams happened to see me looking up at the same time. Before I knew what happened, she flew into a rage about how we were all being so disrespectful to her, especially Melody who had just rolled her eyes. I remember her saying, "Just because I have not taught you guys for these past 2 months doesn't mean one of my best students should disrespect me by rolling her eyes at our discussion!" At the moment, I was very confused and did not understand that she had misinterpreted my upward glance as a sign of disrespect and thought I was rolling my eyes at her discussion.  When I finally realized her misinterpretation of my actions, I was mortified and extremely bewildered about the situation because I had meant nothing of that sort! When I went home and told my mom about the situation I even broke down crying because I was so worried about her misinterpretation of my actions and didn't know how I could change her impression of me after that misinterpretation.  After my mom finally calmed me down, she helped me write a letter to Ms. Adams to apologize about my misinterpreted actions and tell her honestly that I did not mean any disrespect towards her. I think the letter helped clarify much of the misinterpretation surrounding my upward glance, but after that incident I was very careful to pay close attention to all her lectures and ignore any upward buzzing flies on the walls.
   On the other hand, to be honest, there have also been situations in which the tables have been turned and I have misunderstood other people's behaviors.  Something that happened to me recently was that I finally got the courage to talk to a guy that I've always had a bit of a crush on but never had the chance to really talk to. I actually met him briefly the first week of my freshman year and thought that he was one of the most good-looking guys I had ever seen. And because I have always pictured myself as not so a mousy, disorganized, semi-okay looking girl who can look pretty when I put effort but mostly looks just okay because I prefer reading books to doing make-up and watching movies to watching make-up tutorials, I guess I just didn't think he would have any interest in me? Or want to be friends with me? But actually,  when I finally saw him with another friend of mine and got the courage to introduce myself to him, I found that he was genuinely friendly and really quite approachable! He was nothing at all like the stand-offish guy I had originally perceived him to be. Thus I am really glad I took the chance to find out who he really is rather than carrying this inner misconception of him in my mind.  

Chap 1: Who I am in terms of others

    The discussion about how communication is often not one just end of the spectrum (completely impersonal) or the other end of the spectrum (completely personal), but rather, exists on a continuum between these two extremes really resonated with me.  Reading about philosopher Martin Buber's I-It, I-You, and I-Thou communication relationships allowed me to reflect on my own everyday interactions with other people and how I've unknowingly had experiences communicating in these three different ways with others. In addition I've had experience receiving these forms of communication from others.
    For example, as a freshman on campus last year I really wanted to get involved and make a difference in the community.  One of the ways I did so was by taking a Freshman Odyssey Seminar in Leadership and Service that centered around volunteering at Oasis Catolico, an afterschool program for latin american kids living in impoverished trailer communities around Athens. Every week we would go in for three to four hours and tutor kids right as they came off their buses.  And as luck would have it, I somehow ended up in the table of 4 little feisty second-grade boys (at the time when I sat down I thought, oh no one else wants to handle the 4 boys I guess, but how bad can they be? I have my 8 year old brother that I take care of all the time; surely they'll be a bit energetic like him but they shouldn't be too hyper after school) As I soon found out, "energetic" was a bit of an understatement as those four boys flew through the door like it was nothing, beaming with eager smiles and mischievous glints in their eyes. The session started immediately with a stampede of questions thrown all at once to me: "Are you Chinese?", "Teach me Chinese!", "I know 'Ni Hao!'", "I know I know how to say Thank you! It's 'Xie xie' right?"  Thus in this moment we clearly were communicating in an I-You relationship as they were only recognizing one part of me and defining me solely by it (they were only acknowledging the part they could clearly see: that I was Asian and could probably speak some Chinese).
    Once I finally dispelled their inquisitive questions by promising to teach them Chinese after they finished all of their homework, they began treat me as a teacher by asking questions and allowing me to give them advice on how to approach their homework problems.  So in this aspect they were also just focusing on one aspect of me and basing their communication on my role as a teacher. Similarly, for that first day I also treated them solely as students and only talked to them about their schoolwork, plans for the week at school, and activities they did in class that day. Thus on that first day, both they and I were functioning on a mutual understanding that we were in an  I-You communication relationship where we only talked to each other based on our roles to each other.
    Yet, over the weeks, as I went each week and sat at the same group of desks, we slowly began to develop an I-Thou communication relationship where we could talk more about other aspects of ourselves besides our immediate roles to each other.  For example, besides just realizing that I could teach them Chinese and help them with homework, they also learned that I have a younger brother about their same age, I like dragonfruit, and I used to play lacrosse in middle school, swim on the neighborhood swim team in the summer, and run cross country in high school. I also learned more about their own backgrounds, families, and everyday drama they had at school or between their friends.  Thus by learning other aspects about each other and being able to build a multi-dimensional picture of each other as unique individuals with many different characteristics, we were able to slowly engage in more and more I-Thou conversations over the course of the semester.  Those memories and aspects I learned about them truly made the class one of the most surprising and heart-warming classes I've been able take here at UGA.